We had a topic jana about people that ramnyas bila makobosto. We were discussing about a pal of ours called Mtunyee that has ramnyad bila many times. Although there is nothing that can justify that, Theuri says that you should never laugh at someone because you heard they ramnyad bila makobosto.Besides hitting wall with makobosto, sometimes, you ramnyas and find a ring on your josto, something that is beyond you or not your fault.
One day, i met this person of out that looked like sun. Very firm thutha and brookside have never been sucked by a baby. I borrowed and was given. When I was ramnyaring, all of a sudden, I felt taste of tiita change. I felt more warmth, tiita became tighter and more friction and person started saying mbus, more than before. Within a few seconds, I poured. Immediately i poured, i heard the person say “ngai, makobosto ni ka imereruka”.
I removed tree first and on looking, I saw only a ring. I dashed to the bathroom and thoroughly washed my tree, just like what Zuma told us to do. If you dont know Zuma, he is occupies a seat equally with my Uncle’s down south and ramnyas people, even those with mneck bila makobosto. After he finish ramnyaring, he rushes to the bathroom and washes tree thoroughly.
When i looked at the person, she looked as if nothing wierd had happened. The whole of that week, i was shaking nyees because i ramnyad someone i didnt know without makobosto. Again, i was suspecting she was a trapper in a way. Something told me she was a trapper in a way.
Following weekend, i said I will measure the level of her utrapper. I wanted to know where her utrapper had reached. I was in Roast house when i called her to come over for a drink. Earlier, i had told a pal of mine that I wanted to throw him a person.
Because i wanted to measure her utrapping, when she came i told her that there is this friend of mine she can remove. I told her that he is very rich, owns several exbtions in town and was looking for a person of out. I told her that if she wanted to hook up and see money with eyes, she should behave as if she had met me for the first time.
When he came, the person behaved as such. Mtunyee took charge and ramnyad after several akohos. I felt so sad for myself because it was a confirmation that she was indeed a trapper.
Like a real trapper, tomorrow of that day, she called me very early. She told me that Mtunyee ramnyad her and left her at a guest house with no fare. She wanted me to send her fare. I told her to go mia. I called Mtunyee and asked him why he ramnyas and leave person with no fare. He went there and ramnyad again, then dropped her off.
From that day, he ramnyad several times until the person got stomach. We all refused to know how he could ramnya such a thing without makobosto. We refuse to know
After pressuring him, he confessed and said that he ramnyad from day one without makobosto. When they went to the guest house, he saw how brookies were firm and had never been sucked. He then looked at her age and filled himself that she was mneck free. But he was to ramnya with makobosto, after all. When he inserted, he felt tree refuse to enter. He spit saliva on his palm and smeared tiita with it but still, tree refused. He took Vaseline and smeared and tree went straight. He then remembered what Theuri told us to check if one has mneck. If you press the cheeks and no hole is left, it is free. If hole is left, or takes time to rebound, there is a problem. After he did those quick tests, It is then that he hit the wall with makobosto and ramnyad like that. He was telling himself that he was the one piercing the person. He thoughted only small ihis had climbed long time. Persons can act, at times.
But Mtunyee’s is nothing compared to this. One day, we went for a house party, me,Theuri and the crew in some exclusive place. In that party, there were endless supplies of persons from local Universities. Although trapper, but still pupils of campuses. For you to climb, you parted with a small fee of between a k and two, depending on how you were able to talk for yourself.
After small time, i saw Theuri pick a person with super thutha and shaved hair and went to climb. When he came out, he went and sat alone, holding his chin. Theuri is always jovial and this made me refuse to know what was cutting. Inside my head, i told myself maybe he has parad and wanted to eat another person but the wallet refused.
It is after janas discussion that Theuri opened up what transpired on that day. He asked “NO ururikane riria tuari House party. Ugaga nikii ndagiire kieha ndaima kuria mundu. thikiriria” (Can you remember when we were at house party. You think whey i got sad after ramnyaring? Listen)
As he was ramnyaring, he felt the same thing. Change of taste. When his eyes were about to gauge out, the person threw him out fast and said mbus of real.
She rose up and ran to her bag and removed some tablets and swallowed a number of them. She told Theuri that those were ARVs, she drinks them everytime makobosto bursts. She said that they were given by the owner for precaution because once you swallow, you cant catch mneck.
There there, Theuri thought he had been inflicted with mneck. He had never heard of that before. ARVs are for people that have mneck, not precaution. He saw how he will die, how we will drink at their local shopping centre after burying him and how devil will be turning him in fire.
After she finished drinking the medicines, she told Theuri that he will now pay 1500 instead of a k because it was deliberate attempt to break makobosto. She said to inset without is more expensive. He tried to argue that it was not deliberate to break makobosto with unknown trapper but she could not believe him.
Tomorrow of that day, she called Theuri on his phone. She was joyous and said that he had just left Nairobi womens to be measured and that she was negative. She even asked to meet him to celebrate. Theuri refused to know, how can mneck reveal in a day but was happy though because he had thoughted that he had been inflicted.
The bible says that he who that finds a woman finds a good thing. He who is able to stay away from women finds better things to do. Always, ramnya with makobosto if you cant stay away from them.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
NEW STUFF FOR THOUGHT
Some things still remain strange to me. Can only be possible in a movie. I know this topic will make some of you want to kill me but married persons are getting climbed at an alarming rate. I personally can never climb a married person knowingly. I am not saying i have never. If i lie, i am of devil.
The chief reason is that my grandfather told me that it makes no sense to eat for your friend when there are so many unmarried persons of out that are looking for jostos all over. The other reason is, a married person would hardly allow you to climb her with makobosto. Since they have been used to getting climbed without, only one in a 100 would allow you to climb them with makobosto. If my statistics are wrong, then i am of devil. But i am not saying i have never, and i am not saying that i have, but am not going to talk about it. Theuri says that to beat chest that you ate somebody’s pm is like beating chest that you miad up toilet or in the middle of road, so i will leave that.
On Tuesday, i was having summit lager with Theuri and others in some home pub around my hood. As usual, a day must end with small topic on persons of out. What i heard made me be collected on the table.
We were discussing about PM’s. We were saying, PM’s are like babies. They become what you teach them. If you show them to sit on your head, they will definitely sit on your head. If you show them that you are the kind that shake nyees ovyo ovyo, they will forever sit on your head. If you show them it is ok to nag you with endless calls at 11pm when you are watching the team that walks with thuruari on head getting climbed by Manchester United, she will forever nag you. But each pm is unique. You cant ‘teach’ your pm same way i teach mine. Remember the story of hyna and wamafuku?
As we were discussing, Theuri said how men have many problems with pms. He said “Nie makite atia. kuri andu me thina ma i. Kanda neibor yakwa irahaicirwo muka ni kamundu gathakagira harambee stars. Kanda irendaga kumute turamira kana tiita ni irakuirwo kana iri o hau. Yauga iri o hau, turamira ihorere. Ituri? ituriee’ (I have makad so much. There are people with problems. My neibor was climbed his pm by a person that plays for harambee stars. He wanted to throw her. I asked him, did that guy go with tiita or it is still there. He said tiita is till there. I told him to come down. “
It is that statement that opened a can of worms. It is wrong to write this but I will try to be as modest as possible. One guy shot up and told us his experience.
The event happened on December 12, 2006. As he was going to town with his pm in the afternoon, a pal called him and told him that his car got an accident the previous night and had been towed to Kabete police station. He wanted him to take him to the police station to view the damaged car.
When he reached town, he told his pm that he was going to assist his pal. The pm asked him when he will be back and said that in the evening.
He went and picked his pal and headed to Kabete. After viewing the car, they dropped at Njugunas to have lunch and two for the road. After few drinks, the guy told him to told him to drop him off at his home in Kasarani.
When they reached Kasarani, the guy told him they could have two at a place called Monaco.
They entered Monaco and ordered their drinks. As were drinking, from far, he saw something that made him refuse to know himself. He saw a person that looked like his pm with another man and another person having a very hearty discussion.
He started to shake all over.. nyees, toes and even his hair. He tried to swallow beer but when it reached throat, it refused to go further. He started to see darkness and refused to know why he was dreaming on daytime.
His instinct told him to eat njaro small. After small time, he saw the man grab his pm and kissed her kiss small. Then, under the table, he saw the man insert hand and pinched tiita.
Unable to tolerate further, he rose and and jumped over the tables, killing glasses and bottles. He grabbed the man by the collar and punched him hard until two teeth removed. The man fell on the ground, still refusing to know why alshabaad have resorted to such antics, instead of suicide bombing.
When the pm saw that, she removed from that place like lightening as the guy kicked and punched the hapless guy, even in nyees.
To cut the long story short, there there, a ‘happy marriage’ ended there there. The guy that was banging his pm was the boss to his pm. And the boss could not continue with this guy.I have met this person many times in clubs, she looks like sun, big thutha and talks good. But since she once belonged to my friend, i cant borow. Again, niethicithirie muno riu. Looks like sun. To view her profile.. click http://facebook.com/profile.php?=73322363
This is where my advise comes in handy to married pms. People will climb you only when you are married. But when you get thrown out, they run for their lives. It is easier and cheaper to climb a married person than a thrown one. A thrown one will come with responsibilities.
And for men, if your work is akoho, you dont climb your pm, she will be climbed by persons you least expect. The accountant that pays them. And it starts very slowly. He will start by hitting the butt small when she is passing. She will tell the accountant ‘wewe, unajua mimi nimeolewa” Thats how it starts. Soon, she will be the one to start borrowing the accountant.
But a rather unique case here.
It can get sadder than thIS. Another guy , after he realised his pm was being banged, instead of throwing her, he went and looked for the pm of the banger. He told the pm about the relationship between his pm and her husband. They resolved to be climbanaring too. Tit for tat can never get that worse, can it?.
But after small time, the guy of the banged wife was rubbed work. Since he had married a mukabete, she ran away from the now jobless man. The banger man rented a house for the pm of this guy. Because the guy has no job and is even getting hungry of food of stomach, he resorted to beg the pm to accept him back. going back, in a house being paid by another man. The sad thing is, the man that bangs his pm is the one that pays rent. The man even openly comes to the house and bangs her, in his knowledge. The pm tells him that she is getting banged by the the renter of the house, and the poor boy can do nothing. Real story, though only possible in a movie.
Afrosinema continues shortly….
I remain,
Wanjohi wa kigogoine
For web quality web designing, hosting , visit.. www.februaryit.com or email me.. wanjohikigogoine@yahoo.com for the best deal.
Category: Uncategorized 11 Comments Online Businesses24 Jan2012Wanjohi wa kigogoine
Since we all have lives outside muclimbano stories, I though once in a while, we could talk some interesting business that might be of help to some of you. Real business. Something to do with online business.
But this is not for everybody. Just a warning before you continue..
First off, i am running a business here. At the end of the day, I want your business. We do webhosting and if I convince two or three of you to venture into some of these, my house will smell onion. And that is cool.
Now, in whatever you are doing (online and offline), in the opposite end of the spectrum, there are people that are making money. Not news, or is it? Now the good news is, anyone can open an online business, regardless of their budget or time constraints.
Many people dream of owning their own business . A few years ago, with very little cash, you could set up a shop in an exhibition stall and next, you were in business. Unfortunately, for the past few years, it has not been so anymore. Without a hefty goodwill, you will not get a good front shop to set up a good business. A very expensive enterprise. But now, with the popularity of the Internet, all that is changing. People can now open up an online business on a very small budget. The Internet has been such a thriving atmosphere and lucrative opportunity for people looking to get into the business at very low cost.
To cut it short, there are plenty of Kenyans doing very well in online stuff. From those doing academic writing @ Uvocorp and others, to guys taking up projects at odesk and others. They are their own bosses, but to me, that is not business. You still have a boss. You have to work your butt off under the instruction of someone under strict deadline.
What about YOUR own online business?.
The most popular, and the one i know a number of guys doing is affiliate marketing. The other is currency trading (you must have steel nyees to do this). Good stuff, but NOT for everybody. To succeed in affiliate, you must have a big list which is not an easy task.
We start with the simplest of all. Simple models, like what this little pretty lady called Susan does. She sells unique quality thuruari and other ladies stuff. She does not have a shop and does not hawk in offices. So, how does she get her clients? From the most unlikely quarters. Facebook. You ve been ignoring facebook? Quite a powerful media.
That is her shop. Zero cost. But supposing she had a site where one could order online? Apparently, google search has no leads to online shops in Kenya. Just mocality and others that did not lead me directly to what i was looking for. But I knew there was a shop somewhere, just that i was missing the keyword. After using several keywords, i got this… http://www.styleconnection.co.ke/. What a well thought idea. A complete online shop where you order and pay online, then within a day or two, you have the merchandise delivered to your door step. That means, you can tell your online boyfriend to buy stuff for you from that shop, pay by paypal and in a day, or two, you have that gift delivered to you. So, where is the future of traditional stores? I refuse to know. With a simple model like that, why would one want to invest in a store? Just some few stocks, you keep in your house. No rent, no licenses, no kanju, no rent. Right? With a computer connected to Internet, you have the whole world with you.
Now, we are almost where i want us to go. A good entrepreneur does not re- invent the wheel. Its foolish to do that. Look what successful people are doing and copy their system. You spare yourself all the hustles. Get the drift?
If you want to set up an online shop, contact us now. We will help you bring your store online. We will do web hosting at affordable fee for you and if you want a quality website, you sure will get it. The good thing is, you can even start with free sites, like .blogspot or kbo.co.ke. No single investment. Though free subdomain has its own disadvantages. Click here to read why its not advisable to start with a free sub domain.
You dont have to sell exactly that. You dont even have to sell anything anyway. But on this part, lets concentrate on selling. You have your idea. Say.. anything. And your market does not have to be concentrated in Kenya. The whole world is a click away.
But what can you do without information? Basically, this will sound like rocket science. Indeed it is without information. Though most information, you get them free from the internet, with millions of search results, you will end up in some quagmire or on a vicious circle.
Now, not everybody would want to be involved in physical products, that will involve psychical shipping (hates that?) . In physical products, it will involve you into buying at some point. You may not have the money or the will to enter into such. So, what other alternative? Digital products. In digital product, a sale is just a click away, with a download link. You make a sale, anyone anywhere in the world will click ‘download’ button. You make sales in dollars. That easy?
What are the examples of digital products. I met this guy that was selling online an ebook that shows several ways of making money. He sells ebooks in top affiliate sites. He creates products (mostly, buy from the same and repackages them and starts selling.
In this particular ebook, It outlines and gives resources of several ways (about 15 proven) of making money online. Not that the info is exclusive. This is not a program, its an information resource, but very resourceful. Most of the info in that ebook is freely available on the internet though , but with millions of search results, It can be frustrating for someone to just be OVERWHELMED with all the info you will get.
But he is using a kbo.co.ke platform. Why? He told me the reason was because, it was supposed to show how easy it should to get online. Again, he just wanted to sell to about 100 people, then he moves to something else. His real motivation comes from selling in affiliate sites. A kbo.co.ke site takes less than 5 minutes to construct, less the content. I couldn’t agree more.
The book gives ways that can bring you money on daily basis, doing some tasks that you love to do. It shows you ways you can make 100 dollar a day. (I slightly differ here. It will take you ages before you master ways of making that kind of money a day. Thats no brainer. BUT not a bad motivation, though). But this is one product with a good business focus I tell you.
And by the way, this is not a program. Ever seen those websites online that claim that they have a software that you can get online and it will help you start making a bunch of money? Auto Robots? forget those. They will give you crap. Just help in promoting them. This is a resource. Never buy those “One-Click” software programs that promise you’ll make hundreds of thousands of dollars with a few clicks. (Lame).
With a combination of the right information, right mindset and the right approach, anything, including making a truck load of cash while working online can become a reality. I am not trying to hype up the idea. The info is not exclusive as i told you – but if you got excited, its only natural because those are cool things to get excited about! And when you buy, I am in business, and you learn and soon, you will be in business.
Where do i come in here? I struck a deal with him. I help sell a few, on commission I am in business and he is in business. He gets happy, i get happy.
But when i looked at the ebook, it was not enough to launch you to moneymaking platform online. That is why i decided, for those that will buy the ebook, I will enroll them to a 30-Day “Building an Online Business” Club. Its a 30 day ecourse that will teach you how to set up your business online. By the 30th day, I am sure you will have learnt enough and also, will have made enough dollars to walk alone.
Will show you how to create a solid sustainable internet business that is based on adding value to others. (Do this and you will reap the benefits for years to come – maybe even the rest of your life). If you want to learn how to create a solid sustainable Internet business, I am here to help you.
I will show yo how to set up your first business online at zero cost. (start with a free kbo.co.ke or wordpress and other free if you have no money for domain and hosting).
Then you will choose a Niche. This should be something that you are interested in or something you are passionate about. This could be a hobby or could be something that you have always wanted to learn about. Whatever you choose, it should be something that you are interested in, something you would like researching and writing about. Choose a passion as your online niche will make things much easier and make your much more excited about GROWING your online business.
You can also generate your own ideas. You can sell ebooks like this dude. You can write your own ebook or resell this one .. it has no copyright. ( You can find a “niche” simply by browsing DMOZ.org). Ideas are many. People are looking for loads of information on various topics. The KEY again is to choose something you are interested in…DO NOT choose a niche that you THINK is profitable. Any niche can and will earn you revenue. The other day, I saw Size 8 say, after she was asked if she had implanted stuff on her thutha. She said, “dont you know there are natural ways to increase butts? there are places you practice and thutha becomes bigger” . That can be an idea. Target the sisters from our backyard in Central. As long as your method/idea is proven. Even if not proven. search on the web. “Google” has millions of results in this, meaning, it will be less torturous to you.
Online stuff is for everyone.. that wants to make an extra buck. Even if you are comfortable in whatever you are doing, you need a fallback. Things happen. I didnt mean to scare you.. carefully chose my words.. but you need a fall back.
Later, we will be launching a training platform where you can join us to get ongoing coaching and training from me and my team. We also have some great stuff coming soon for you, so stay tuned for that. I’m good at building successful Internet businesses and I can help you do the same.
But the info is resourceful. You know me by muclimbano stories but I also do online stuff. I dont sell ebooks. I am in real stuff, though I am more of a behind the scenes guy. However, I think that it can greatly benefit you to know these things so you are aware of the true opportunity you have before you right now
But first, THIS is not for everyone. Let’s see if it is right for you
You don’t want to put in any time or effort.
Creating a solid income online takes some time and effort on your part. If someone tells you different, they are probably lying to you
You are looking for a “get-rich-quick” scheme. Do you think that there is a “magic” program out there that will
instantly funnel money to you without any work or effort on your
part? (news flash: there’s not
You can’t speak English. You will need to speak English to go through the 30 day tasks.
You don’t have access to a computer (with internet access). This seems obvious, but you will need a computer, and you will need
to go on the internet to access the tasks and ebook (as well as to make
a living online). To buy a second hand laptops, contact Samuel Uhuru.
Nuff said ;
Click here to buy the ebook.
I remain,
Wanjohi wa Kigogoine
Category: Uncategorized 12 Comments How Miraa Made My Tree Refuse17 Jan2012Wanjohi wa kigogoine
If you have never chewed miraa, you must be missing something. I have chewed a couple of times, and i must admit, the effects can be both amazing and disastrous.
One day, an Amerucan friend of mine invited me to some shoddy rifa rodi joint for a talk. Calling that a ‘joint’ is an abuse of The Queen of england and anybody that understand English, but you will be surprised the high profile guys that patrons there.
Earlier before, i used to shake nyee whenever I passed a place with people chewing miraa. But my perception changed when i was invited by one Kiogora.
As if he was getting paid, he started to preach to me about the good things/advantages of chewing miraa over beer. He told me that since he was born, he has never seen people fighting coz they were high on miraa. He has experienced numerous fights in bars with people drunk with alcohol. Beer makes you fight, miraa makes you friends and peace. When i was about to stop his preaching, he asked me ‘How many people die from miraa related use every year? practically no one. How many people die from alcohol related use every year? millions. The only death related effects with Miraa is fast driving. And not with any car, with Isuzu pickups. Again, he told me with miraa, there is no buying of rounds, therefore, you save big time.
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Category: Uncategorized 44 Comments How Granpa’s Advise Landed Me In ‘Trouble’.11 Jan2012Wanjohi wa kigogoine
My grandfather was one of the greatest sage of his time. He was so wise, especially on matters to do with persons of out that even other elders came to seek his advise on those matters. Sometimes, i wonder what would have been of me had i not received the many priceless advises from me.
Among the priceless advises he gave me were that if I thought I was a climber, I should first climb red hot burning charcoal. Another day, he asked me how many persons i will marry when i grow up. I told him three will be cool, just like him. He thought for a moment, looked at me from toe to head, then told me that if I do that, I will have my problems tripped. If i marry two, you have two sets of problems. He told me that all persons of out are all the same and they are all impossible to handle. If you dont handle with care, you land on hard ground. He also told me that all holes are the same and it will be pursuit in vain to get a second or third.
Another time, he heard that i had fought a guy over a girl. In the evening, he called me in his thingira and told me. ‘ Now, you are starting to behave as if you dont have blood of this clan, I want to to listen and listen good. In every person of out, she has a hole in the middle. That hole can eat a whole 10 storey building. In that hole, men pour inside and no matter how many pours you pour, you can never fill it. It does not matter how many men pour inside, they will never fill it. It is the only hole in this whole world that can never be filled. It is foolish to fight over a girl. Ok? Dont be like nyees of mburi”
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Category: Uncategorized 43 Comments Extra Ordinary Sidekicks09 Jan2012Wanjohi wa kigogoine
I am the least of you all that subscribes to stereotyping but you will forgive me on this one. I am the least but the least in me fears two types of person. A person of out from Kabete and a Cambodian.
I had to think twice before writing this stuff because i know i will receive thorough bashing from every second person that reads this. But since you cant do anything, I will write as it was.
It is from my personal experience. Not a story of giant. The story of mukabete is real and it can happen to you.
99% of my friends shake nyees when they hear of Mukabete. If you tell Theuri that a person has married a mukabete, he holds his chin and says “Ati ahikirie mukabete? kwisha yeye”. He says you would rather one from Nyeri that will beat you up anytime but for Mukabete, naah. He says you can run away from beatings but cannot run from ‘love’. I dont know if its true but he says that once you accumulate money, they will then look for what to eat you.
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The chief reason is that my grandfather told me that it makes no sense to eat for your friend when there are so many unmarried persons of out that are looking for jostos all over. The other reason is, a married person would hardly allow you to climb her with makobosto. Since they have been used to getting climbed without, only one in a 100 would allow you to climb them with makobosto. If my statistics are wrong, then i am of devil. But i am not saying i have never, and i am not saying that i have, but am not going to talk about it. Theuri says that to beat chest that you ate somebody’s pm is like beating chest that you miad up toilet or in the middle of road, so i will leave that.
On Tuesday, i was having summit lager with Theuri and others in some home pub around my hood. As usual, a day must end with small topic on persons of out. What i heard made me be collected on the table.
We were discussing about PM’s. We were saying, PM’s are like babies. They become what you teach them. If you show them to sit on your head, they will definitely sit on your head. If you show them that you are the kind that shake nyees ovyo ovyo, they will forever sit on your head. If you show them it is ok to nag you with endless calls at 11pm when you are watching the team that walks with thuruari on head getting climbed by Manchester United, she will forever nag you. But each pm is unique. You cant ‘teach’ your pm same way i teach mine. Remember the story of hyna and wamafuku?
As we were discussing, Theuri said how men have many problems with pms. He said “Nie makite atia. kuri andu me thina ma i. Kanda neibor yakwa irahaicirwo muka ni kamundu gathakagira harambee stars. Kanda irendaga kumute turamira kana tiita ni irakuirwo kana iri o hau. Yauga iri o hau, turamira ihorere. Ituri? ituriee’ (I have makad so much. There are people with problems. My neibor was climbed his pm by a person that plays for harambee stars. He wanted to throw her. I asked him, did that guy go with tiita or it is still there. He said tiita is till there. I told him to come down. “
It is that statement that opened a can of worms. It is wrong to write this but I will try to be as modest as possible. One guy shot up and told us his experience.
The event happened on December 12, 2006. As he was going to town with his pm in the afternoon, a pal called him and told him that his car got an accident the previous night and had been towed to Kabete police station. He wanted him to take him to the police station to view the damaged car.
When he reached town, he told his pm that he was going to assist his pal. The pm asked him when he will be back and said that in the evening.
He went and picked his pal and headed to Kabete. After viewing the car, they dropped at Njugunas to have lunch and two for the road. After few drinks, the guy told him to told him to drop him off at his home in Kasarani.
When they reached Kasarani, the guy told him they could have two at a place called Monaco.
They entered Monaco and ordered their drinks. As were drinking, from far, he saw something that made him refuse to know himself. He saw a person that looked like his pm with another man and another person having a very hearty discussion.
He started to shake all over.. nyees, toes and even his hair. He tried to swallow beer but when it reached throat, it refused to go further. He started to see darkness and refused to know why he was dreaming on daytime.
His instinct told him to eat njaro small. After small time, he saw the man grab his pm and kissed her kiss small. Then, under the table, he saw the man insert hand and pinched tiita.
Unable to tolerate further, he rose and and jumped over the tables, killing glasses and bottles. He grabbed the man by the collar and punched him hard until two teeth removed. The man fell on the ground, still refusing to know why alshabaad have resorted to such antics, instead of suicide bombing.
When the pm saw that, she removed from that place like lightening as the guy kicked and punched the hapless guy, even in nyees.
To cut the long story short, there there, a ‘happy marriage’ ended there there. The guy that was banging his pm was the boss to his pm. And the boss could not continue with this guy.I have met this person many times in clubs, she looks like sun, big thutha and talks good. But since she once belonged to my friend, i cant borow. Again, niethicithirie muno riu. Looks like sun. To view her profile.. click http://facebook.com/profile.php?=73322363
This is where my advise comes in handy to married pms. People will climb you only when you are married. But when you get thrown out, they run for their lives. It is easier and cheaper to climb a married person than a thrown one. A thrown one will come with responsibilities.
And for men, if your work is akoho, you dont climb your pm, she will be climbed by persons you least expect. The accountant that pays them. And it starts very slowly. He will start by hitting the butt small when she is passing. She will tell the accountant ‘wewe, unajua mimi nimeolewa” Thats how it starts. Soon, she will be the one to start borrowing the accountant.
But a rather unique case here.
It can get sadder than thIS. Another guy , after he realised his pm was being banged, instead of throwing her, he went and looked for the pm of the banger. He told the pm about the relationship between his pm and her husband. They resolved to be climbanaring too. Tit for tat can never get that worse, can it?.
But after small time, the guy of the banged wife was rubbed work. Since he had married a mukabete, she ran away from the now jobless man. The banger man rented a house for the pm of this guy. Because the guy has no job and is even getting hungry of food of stomach, he resorted to beg the pm to accept him back. going back, in a house being paid by another man. The sad thing is, the man that bangs his pm is the one that pays rent. The man even openly comes to the house and bangs her, in his knowledge. The pm tells him that she is getting banged by the the renter of the house, and the poor boy can do nothing. Real story, though only possible in a movie.
Afrosinema continues shortly….
I remain,
Wanjohi wa kigogoine
For web quality web designing, hosting , visit.. www.februaryit.com or email me.. wanjohikigogoine@yahoo.com for the best deal.
Category: Uncategorized 11 Comments Online Businesses24 Jan2012Wanjohi wa kigogoine
Since we all have lives outside muclimbano stories, I though once in a while, we could talk some interesting business that might be of help to some of you. Real business. Something to do with online business.
But this is not for everybody. Just a warning before you continue..
First off, i am running a business here. At the end of the day, I want your business. We do webhosting and if I convince two or three of you to venture into some of these, my house will smell onion. And that is cool.
Now, in whatever you are doing (online and offline), in the opposite end of the spectrum, there are people that are making money. Not news, or is it? Now the good news is, anyone can open an online business, regardless of their budget or time constraints.
Many people dream of owning their own business . A few years ago, with very little cash, you could set up a shop in an exhibition stall and next, you were in business. Unfortunately, for the past few years, it has not been so anymore. Without a hefty goodwill, you will not get a good front shop to set up a good business. A very expensive enterprise. But now, with the popularity of the Internet, all that is changing. People can now open up an online business on a very small budget. The Internet has been such a thriving atmosphere and lucrative opportunity for people looking to get into the business at very low cost.
To cut it short, there are plenty of Kenyans doing very well in online stuff. From those doing academic writing @ Uvocorp and others, to guys taking up projects at odesk and others. They are their own bosses, but to me, that is not business. You still have a boss. You have to work your butt off under the instruction of someone under strict deadline.
What about YOUR own online business?.
The most popular, and the one i know a number of guys doing is affiliate marketing. The other is currency trading (you must have steel nyees to do this). Good stuff, but NOT for everybody. To succeed in affiliate, you must have a big list which is not an easy task.
We start with the simplest of all. Simple models, like what this little pretty lady called Susan does. She sells unique quality thuruari and other ladies stuff. She does not have a shop and does not hawk in offices. So, how does she get her clients? From the most unlikely quarters. Facebook. You ve been ignoring facebook? Quite a powerful media.
That is her shop. Zero cost. But supposing she had a site where one could order online? Apparently, google search has no leads to online shops in Kenya. Just mocality and others that did not lead me directly to what i was looking for. But I knew there was a shop somewhere, just that i was missing the keyword. After using several keywords, i got this… http://www.styleconnection.co.ke/. What a well thought idea. A complete online shop where you order and pay online, then within a day or two, you have the merchandise delivered to your door step. That means, you can tell your online boyfriend to buy stuff for you from that shop, pay by paypal and in a day, or two, you have that gift delivered to you. So, where is the future of traditional stores? I refuse to know. With a simple model like that, why would one want to invest in a store? Just some few stocks, you keep in your house. No rent, no licenses, no kanju, no rent. Right? With a computer connected to Internet, you have the whole world with you.
Now, we are almost where i want us to go. A good entrepreneur does not re- invent the wheel. Its foolish to do that. Look what successful people are doing and copy their system. You spare yourself all the hustles. Get the drift?
If you want to set up an online shop, contact us now. We will help you bring your store online. We will do web hosting at affordable fee for you and if you want a quality website, you sure will get it. The good thing is, you can even start with free sites, like .blogspot or kbo.co.ke. No single investment. Though free subdomain has its own disadvantages. Click here to read why its not advisable to start with a free sub domain.
You dont have to sell exactly that. You dont even have to sell anything anyway. But on this part, lets concentrate on selling. You have your idea. Say.. anything. And your market does not have to be concentrated in Kenya. The whole world is a click away.
But what can you do without information? Basically, this will sound like rocket science. Indeed it is without information. Though most information, you get them free from the internet, with millions of search results, you will end up in some quagmire or on a vicious circle.
Now, not everybody would want to be involved in physical products, that will involve psychical shipping (hates that?) . In physical products, it will involve you into buying at some point. You may not have the money or the will to enter into such. So, what other alternative? Digital products. In digital product, a sale is just a click away, with a download link. You make a sale, anyone anywhere in the world will click ‘download’ button. You make sales in dollars. That easy?
What are the examples of digital products. I met this guy that was selling online an ebook that shows several ways of making money. He sells ebooks in top affiliate sites. He creates products (mostly, buy from the same and repackages them and starts selling.
In this particular ebook, It outlines and gives resources of several ways (about 15 proven) of making money online. Not that the info is exclusive. This is not a program, its an information resource, but very resourceful. Most of the info in that ebook is freely available on the internet though , but with millions of search results, It can be frustrating for someone to just be OVERWHELMED with all the info you will get.
But he is using a kbo.co.ke platform. Why? He told me the reason was because, it was supposed to show how easy it should to get online. Again, he just wanted to sell to about 100 people, then he moves to something else. His real motivation comes from selling in affiliate sites. A kbo.co.ke site takes less than 5 minutes to construct, less the content. I couldn’t agree more.
The book gives ways that can bring you money on daily basis, doing some tasks that you love to do. It shows you ways you can make 100 dollar a day. (I slightly differ here. It will take you ages before you master ways of making that kind of money a day. Thats no brainer. BUT not a bad motivation, though). But this is one product with a good business focus I tell you.
And by the way, this is not a program. Ever seen those websites online that claim that they have a software that you can get online and it will help you start making a bunch of money? Auto Robots? forget those. They will give you crap. Just help in promoting them. This is a resource. Never buy those “One-Click” software programs that promise you’ll make hundreds of thousands of dollars with a few clicks. (Lame).
With a combination of the right information, right mindset and the right approach, anything, including making a truck load of cash while working online can become a reality. I am not trying to hype up the idea. The info is not exclusive as i told you – but if you got excited, its only natural because those are cool things to get excited about! And when you buy, I am in business, and you learn and soon, you will be in business.
Where do i come in here? I struck a deal with him. I help sell a few, on commission I am in business and he is in business. He gets happy, i get happy.
But when i looked at the ebook, it was not enough to launch you to moneymaking platform online. That is why i decided, for those that will buy the ebook, I will enroll them to a 30-Day “Building an Online Business” Club. Its a 30 day ecourse that will teach you how to set up your business online. By the 30th day, I am sure you will have learnt enough and also, will have made enough dollars to walk alone.
Will show you how to create a solid sustainable internet business that is based on adding value to others. (Do this and you will reap the benefits for years to come – maybe even the rest of your life). If you want to learn how to create a solid sustainable Internet business, I am here to help you.
I will show yo how to set up your first business online at zero cost. (start with a free kbo.co.ke or wordpress and other free if you have no money for domain and hosting).
Then you will choose a Niche. This should be something that you are interested in or something you are passionate about. This could be a hobby or could be something that you have always wanted to learn about. Whatever you choose, it should be something that you are interested in, something you would like researching and writing about. Choose a passion as your online niche will make things much easier and make your much more excited about GROWING your online business.
You can also generate your own ideas. You can sell ebooks like this dude. You can write your own ebook or resell this one .. it has no copyright. ( You can find a “niche” simply by browsing DMOZ.org). Ideas are many. People are looking for loads of information on various topics. The KEY again is to choose something you are interested in…DO NOT choose a niche that you THINK is profitable. Any niche can and will earn you revenue. The other day, I saw Size 8 say, after she was asked if she had implanted stuff on her thutha. She said, “dont you know there are natural ways to increase butts? there are places you practice and thutha becomes bigger” . That can be an idea. Target the sisters from our backyard in Central. As long as your method/idea is proven. Even if not proven. search on the web. “Google” has millions of results in this, meaning, it will be less torturous to you.
Online stuff is for everyone.. that wants to make an extra buck. Even if you are comfortable in whatever you are doing, you need a fallback. Things happen. I didnt mean to scare you.. carefully chose my words.. but you need a fall back.
Later, we will be launching a training platform where you can join us to get ongoing coaching and training from me and my team. We also have some great stuff coming soon for you, so stay tuned for that. I’m good at building successful Internet businesses and I can help you do the same.
But the info is resourceful. You know me by muclimbano stories but I also do online stuff. I dont sell ebooks. I am in real stuff, though I am more of a behind the scenes guy. However, I think that it can greatly benefit you to know these things so you are aware of the true opportunity you have before you right now
But first, THIS is not for everyone. Let’s see if it is right for you
You don’t want to put in any time or effort.
Creating a solid income online takes some time and effort on your part. If someone tells you different, they are probably lying to you
You are looking for a “get-rich-quick” scheme. Do you think that there is a “magic” program out there that will
instantly funnel money to you without any work or effort on your
part? (news flash: there’s not
You can’t speak English. You will need to speak English to go through the 30 day tasks.
You don’t have access to a computer (with internet access). This seems obvious, but you will need a computer, and you will need
to go on the internet to access the tasks and ebook (as well as to make
a living online). To buy a second hand laptops, contact Samuel Uhuru.
Nuff said ;
Click here to buy the ebook.
I remain,
Wanjohi wa Kigogoine
Category: Uncategorized 12 Comments How Miraa Made My Tree Refuse17 Jan2012Wanjohi wa kigogoine
If you have never chewed miraa, you must be missing something. I have chewed a couple of times, and i must admit, the effects can be both amazing and disastrous.
One day, an Amerucan friend of mine invited me to some shoddy rifa rodi joint for a talk. Calling that a ‘joint’ is an abuse of The Queen of england and anybody that understand English, but you will be surprised the high profile guys that patrons there.
Earlier before, i used to shake nyee whenever I passed a place with people chewing miraa. But my perception changed when i was invited by one Kiogora.
As if he was getting paid, he started to preach to me about the good things/advantages of chewing miraa over beer. He told me that since he was born, he has never seen people fighting coz they were high on miraa. He has experienced numerous fights in bars with people drunk with alcohol. Beer makes you fight, miraa makes you friends and peace. When i was about to stop his preaching, he asked me ‘How many people die from miraa related use every year? practically no one. How many people die from alcohol related use every year? millions. The only death related effects with Miraa is fast driving. And not with any car, with Isuzu pickups. Again, he told me with miraa, there is no buying of rounds, therefore, you save big time.
more »
Category: Uncategorized 44 Comments How Granpa’s Advise Landed Me In ‘Trouble’.11 Jan2012Wanjohi wa kigogoine
My grandfather was one of the greatest sage of his time. He was so wise, especially on matters to do with persons of out that even other elders came to seek his advise on those matters. Sometimes, i wonder what would have been of me had i not received the many priceless advises from me.
Among the priceless advises he gave me were that if I thought I was a climber, I should first climb red hot burning charcoal. Another day, he asked me how many persons i will marry when i grow up. I told him three will be cool, just like him. He thought for a moment, looked at me from toe to head, then told me that if I do that, I will have my problems tripped. If i marry two, you have two sets of problems. He told me that all persons of out are all the same and they are all impossible to handle. If you dont handle with care, you land on hard ground. He also told me that all holes are the same and it will be pursuit in vain to get a second or third.
Another time, he heard that i had fought a guy over a girl. In the evening, he called me in his thingira and told me. ‘ Now, you are starting to behave as if you dont have blood of this clan, I want to to listen and listen good. In every person of out, she has a hole in the middle. That hole can eat a whole 10 storey building. In that hole, men pour inside and no matter how many pours you pour, you can never fill it. It does not matter how many men pour inside, they will never fill it. It is the only hole in this whole world that can never be filled. It is foolish to fight over a girl. Ok? Dont be like nyees of mburi”
more »
Category: Uncategorized 43 Comments Extra Ordinary Sidekicks09 Jan2012Wanjohi wa kigogoine
I am the least of you all that subscribes to stereotyping but you will forgive me on this one. I am the least but the least in me fears two types of person. A person of out from Kabete and a Cambodian.
I had to think twice before writing this stuff because i know i will receive thorough bashing from every second person that reads this. But since you cant do anything, I will write as it was.
It is from my personal experience. Not a story of giant. The story of mukabete is real and it can happen to you.
99% of my friends shake nyees when they hear of Mukabete. If you tell Theuri that a person has married a mukabete, he holds his chin and says “Ati ahikirie mukabete? kwisha yeye”. He says you would rather one from Nyeri that will beat you up anytime but for Mukabete, naah. He says you can run away from beatings but cannot run from ‘love’. I dont know if its true but he says that once you accumulate money, they will then look for what to eat you.
more »
Saturday, October 1, 2011
GALS FROM EASTLANDS
Until a couple years ago, I didnt
pay much attention to persons of
out. from Eastlands. When i did, i
made a very interesting
observation. Most of these hot
persons of outyou see around
here comes from either Eastlands
or Kinoo. But those from the East,
majority of them beat themselves
and refuse to drink beer at
Magomano or any other rifa rodi
club. If the place they are
drinking does not have fancy
name like “The Lounge” they can
never step their foot there.
Some few days ago, Akuku
wanted to throw such a person
to me. The reason he wanted to
throw to me was because this
person of out had made him to
some things he has never
dreamed of doing. Although
Akuku only eats a person one
time, this was had refused to
disappear. After he eats,
tomorrow of that day, he refuse
to know the person. Even when
they call and say “Hi, ni Shiro’
Akuku replies “Shiro mgani?” If
she say “I was with you at Grace
villa bla bla bla” , he says
“Nikikukumbuka nitakupigia.
Grace villa nimekaa bila kwenda
uko lakini ” If the person has
head, she will never call again.
This particular one refused to go
because she knows where she
can get Akuku at any time of the
day.
When he was bringing me the
person, his idea was, i climb so
that he gets an excuse to throw
the person away.
After they sat down, i told him
that i know that person of out.
He laughed and refused to know
how i know all persons that he
comes with. Some few months
ago, he came with a person that
looked like sun and when he
heard that i know the person, he
refused to know and removed
from where we were drinking.
Later, i told him that i knew the
person way back when she was
selling beer at Tropez some few
years back.
I once wanted to climb her when
she was off duty. The reason i
wanted to climb her more was
that she was so hot and i was
because i wanted people to also
see that i can bring people that
looks like sun any time of the
day. Since no one will know that
she was written in bar, i made
sure that I showed up with her
where my pals were. I however
did not climb because she said
she only takes Johny Walker. I
bought half but when she
finished and wanted another
Yohana Mtembezi. I refused to
know who will buy. Before at her
place of work, i used to buy her
Redds, although i never used to
see her drink it. Maybe she used
to carry it home or give it to her
pals.
After she removed to go to
latrine, i asked Akuku “Urenda
kunjikeria iyo niki. Kai we
utarokia thiku ici” (Why do you
want to throw this one to me?)
He laughed small and told me
“Urauga atia. Injitire town handu
ati tukarie raji. Nyonire Menu
ndenda kura maitho. Irio cikuma
ngiri na matano. Bill ika no
ndugamirire nguku magomano
wiki ngi’ma wika” (What are you
saying. She called me somewhere
in town we eat lunch. When i
saw menu, my eyes almost got
lost. Food was 1500 a plate. What
i paid for that bill is enough to
stand for one week’s chicken bill
at Magomano.
In sadness, he then said “Sato
damimenya ri, tuathire nahaha
Kileleshwa kunyua tondu
ndendaga handu hega na ikene.
Na niyo yanjirire ati ni handu
hega. Bill ika ya njohi yokire ngiri
mugwanja, ta imajini” (Sato,
when i knewed her, we went to
Kileleshwa, a nice place because i
wanted her to be happy. She is
actually the one that took me
there. Bill of beer only came to
7k. Just imagine.
Waiting to hear how he ate the
person, i asked him if she was
yummy or was those that lie and
wait for you to pour “No nawe
murigo waigeirwo wega biu
ninjui”
He looked at me with more
sadder face, said “Ndoririe room
ni mbeca cigana, ngiruo ngiri
inyanya. Na to shuma yakwa
yahanaga mwaki ni gukio ri,
ndamiethaga ngamiaga to ya
hohire ikiingira nyee ine” (I
asked how much was room, they
said 8k. My tree, because it was
as hot as iron, i was looking for
it, until i failed to feel it because it
had shrinked until it entered
inside nyees).
To encourage me to be bitten
like him, he said “No gaka
nigathime. Nikahitukite
kigeranio. Kau ona makobosto
mangituria ndungihiuka bafu
guthambia shuma” (That one is
measured, even if makobosto
burst, you will not remove to run
to wash the josto”
The person, after coming from
latrine looked at me refused to
know where she had seen me
before. But because she was
with Akuku, she did not look like
she was taking me anything.
After small time, i asked the
person if she remembers me. She
said she cant really place me but i
looked kinda familiar. I told him
“Nirikuonaga ngara”
The person looked at me as if
almost to vomit. Almost vomiting,
she said “Mimi ngara? sijai enda
ngara”
Because i was so sure, i laughed
with heart but wanted to give
her a punch on her face. I
refused to know why she
thought ngara was rifa rori. I
then told her “Eeh mahali inaitwo
Karangi.Mlikuwa na wajamaa
wengine wa Capital fm”
Even after mentioning such a
famous place in ngara, she still
refused to acknowledge. I
insisted and insisted, until she
said “aaaa oooooooo.
Karaaangiiii. I was there with
Kabogo’s brother. Men, that man
has machine. 5.2 HSE and feels
nothing” I did not know why she
refused to agree that she was
with a group that i well know
but when somebody says that
the person they were with was
driving a 5.2 engine, your nyees
must shake.
This person reminded me of
another one i had met in Umoja.
Because i wanted her to come to
Ngara, i had to throw beans
small small. I told her i was in
Tom Mboya. After she reached
town, she called me when she
was around Nation centre. I told
her that Nation centre is in
Kimathi, unless she was talking
about old Nation. When she
reached Tom Mboya, i told her to
climb Matatu No. 6 and alight at
Fig tree because i was drinking
at Red carpet. The person called
and said she can only see no. 9.
We sumbuanad for like 30
minutes. When she finally came,
she telled me “Yani you cant tell
me to take a taxi?” I refused to
know because even as old as i
am, i have never taken a taxi to
Ngara. She pretended she does
not know the place. But after she
drinked small, she forgot and
told me “Hapa ngara
kunauzangwo clads poa. Every
Friday lazima nikam kutafuta
stuffs”.
After only staying small and
taking like 3 Redds, she told me
that she wanted to go. I refused
to know because we were to
climbana. She told me that i
wasted time for climbanaring by
taking beer and her latest time to
enter house was at 10. I refused
to know how you can take a
person to room just like that. To
enter room, you must be drunk
and i was only on my 4th beer.
Again, climabairng , to some of
us is different from that. It is we
drink until we refuse to know
ourselves..
Even after Akuku telling me that
he had thrown the person to me,
and me buying several
Kingfishers, i saw them start
entering each other. I took the
number and promised to call her
later for business.
Because Akuku had told Theuri
that he was throwing the person
to me, very early in the morning,
Theuri called me and asked
“Mutongoria niaraguikerie 100%
kana ni githemba kiria giake,
guikia na ndareherera
mithako?” (Did leader throw the
person to you 100% or it is his
type where he throws but he
does not remove from the game)
I told him that there are two
people i cant take persons from.
Theuri and Akuku.
I told him how Akuku was telling
me that she is measured. Before i
finished, he said “Thiku ici
tumathimaga kinya na sms.
Kalaini karia atoi ri, mundu a mu
smsaga muri o nake hau oo..
‘This is the lady from the VCT. I
hope you are still taking anti
retrovirals. Your viral load will
improve if you keep the
schedule”
He said that if she appears
shocked and starts to shake, she
has passed the test. If she calls
the number, she is does not
know herself but if makobosto
burst, run to the tap and wash
tree thoroughly with soap. If she
sms Ok. , buy her many beers and
leave her as soon as she starts
refusing to know herself.
pay much attention to persons of
out. from Eastlands. When i did, i
made a very interesting
observation. Most of these hot
persons of outyou see around
here comes from either Eastlands
or Kinoo. But those from the East,
majority of them beat themselves
and refuse to drink beer at
Magomano or any other rifa rodi
club. If the place they are
drinking does not have fancy
name like “The Lounge” they can
never step their foot there.
Some few days ago, Akuku
wanted to throw such a person
to me. The reason he wanted to
throw to me was because this
person of out had made him to
some things he has never
dreamed of doing. Although
Akuku only eats a person one
time, this was had refused to
disappear. After he eats,
tomorrow of that day, he refuse
to know the person. Even when
they call and say “Hi, ni Shiro’
Akuku replies “Shiro mgani?” If
she say “I was with you at Grace
villa bla bla bla” , he says
“Nikikukumbuka nitakupigia.
Grace villa nimekaa bila kwenda
uko lakini ” If the person has
head, she will never call again.
This particular one refused to go
because she knows where she
can get Akuku at any time of the
day.
When he was bringing me the
person, his idea was, i climb so
that he gets an excuse to throw
the person away.
After they sat down, i told him
that i know that person of out.
He laughed and refused to know
how i know all persons that he
comes with. Some few months
ago, he came with a person that
looked like sun and when he
heard that i know the person, he
refused to know and removed
from where we were drinking.
Later, i told him that i knew the
person way back when she was
selling beer at Tropez some few
years back.
I once wanted to climb her when
she was off duty. The reason i
wanted to climb her more was
that she was so hot and i was
because i wanted people to also
see that i can bring people that
looks like sun any time of the
day. Since no one will know that
she was written in bar, i made
sure that I showed up with her
where my pals were. I however
did not climb because she said
she only takes Johny Walker. I
bought half but when she
finished and wanted another
Yohana Mtembezi. I refused to
know who will buy. Before at her
place of work, i used to buy her
Redds, although i never used to
see her drink it. Maybe she used
to carry it home or give it to her
pals.
After she removed to go to
latrine, i asked Akuku “Urenda
kunjikeria iyo niki. Kai we
utarokia thiku ici” (Why do you
want to throw this one to me?)
He laughed small and told me
“Urauga atia. Injitire town handu
ati tukarie raji. Nyonire Menu
ndenda kura maitho. Irio cikuma
ngiri na matano. Bill ika no
ndugamirire nguku magomano
wiki ngi’ma wika” (What are you
saying. She called me somewhere
in town we eat lunch. When i
saw menu, my eyes almost got
lost. Food was 1500 a plate. What
i paid for that bill is enough to
stand for one week’s chicken bill
at Magomano.
In sadness, he then said “Sato
damimenya ri, tuathire nahaha
Kileleshwa kunyua tondu
ndendaga handu hega na ikene.
Na niyo yanjirire ati ni handu
hega. Bill ika ya njohi yokire ngiri
mugwanja, ta imajini” (Sato,
when i knewed her, we went to
Kileleshwa, a nice place because i
wanted her to be happy. She is
actually the one that took me
there. Bill of beer only came to
7k. Just imagine.
Waiting to hear how he ate the
person, i asked him if she was
yummy or was those that lie and
wait for you to pour “No nawe
murigo waigeirwo wega biu
ninjui”
He looked at me with more
sadder face, said “Ndoririe room
ni mbeca cigana, ngiruo ngiri
inyanya. Na to shuma yakwa
yahanaga mwaki ni gukio ri,
ndamiethaga ngamiaga to ya
hohire ikiingira nyee ine” (I
asked how much was room, they
said 8k. My tree, because it was
as hot as iron, i was looking for
it, until i failed to feel it because it
had shrinked until it entered
inside nyees).
To encourage me to be bitten
like him, he said “No gaka
nigathime. Nikahitukite
kigeranio. Kau ona makobosto
mangituria ndungihiuka bafu
guthambia shuma” (That one is
measured, even if makobosto
burst, you will not remove to run
to wash the josto”
The person, after coming from
latrine looked at me refused to
know where she had seen me
before. But because she was
with Akuku, she did not look like
she was taking me anything.
After small time, i asked the
person if she remembers me. She
said she cant really place me but i
looked kinda familiar. I told him
“Nirikuonaga ngara”
The person looked at me as if
almost to vomit. Almost vomiting,
she said “Mimi ngara? sijai enda
ngara”
Because i was so sure, i laughed
with heart but wanted to give
her a punch on her face. I
refused to know why she
thought ngara was rifa rori. I
then told her “Eeh mahali inaitwo
Karangi.Mlikuwa na wajamaa
wengine wa Capital fm”
Even after mentioning such a
famous place in ngara, she still
refused to acknowledge. I
insisted and insisted, until she
said “aaaa oooooooo.
Karaaangiiii. I was there with
Kabogo’s brother. Men, that man
has machine. 5.2 HSE and feels
nothing” I did not know why she
refused to agree that she was
with a group that i well know
but when somebody says that
the person they were with was
driving a 5.2 engine, your nyees
must shake.
This person reminded me of
another one i had met in Umoja.
Because i wanted her to come to
Ngara, i had to throw beans
small small. I told her i was in
Tom Mboya. After she reached
town, she called me when she
was around Nation centre. I told
her that Nation centre is in
Kimathi, unless she was talking
about old Nation. When she
reached Tom Mboya, i told her to
climb Matatu No. 6 and alight at
Fig tree because i was drinking
at Red carpet. The person called
and said she can only see no. 9.
We sumbuanad for like 30
minutes. When she finally came,
she telled me “Yani you cant tell
me to take a taxi?” I refused to
know because even as old as i
am, i have never taken a taxi to
Ngara. She pretended she does
not know the place. But after she
drinked small, she forgot and
told me “Hapa ngara
kunauzangwo clads poa. Every
Friday lazima nikam kutafuta
stuffs”.
After only staying small and
taking like 3 Redds, she told me
that she wanted to go. I refused
to know because we were to
climbana. She told me that i
wasted time for climbanaring by
taking beer and her latest time to
enter house was at 10. I refused
to know how you can take a
person to room just like that. To
enter room, you must be drunk
and i was only on my 4th beer.
Again, climabairng , to some of
us is different from that. It is we
drink until we refuse to know
ourselves..
Even after Akuku telling me that
he had thrown the person to me,
and me buying several
Kingfishers, i saw them start
entering each other. I took the
number and promised to call her
later for business.
Because Akuku had told Theuri
that he was throwing the person
to me, very early in the morning,
Theuri called me and asked
“Mutongoria niaraguikerie 100%
kana ni githemba kiria giake,
guikia na ndareherera
mithako?” (Did leader throw the
person to you 100% or it is his
type where he throws but he
does not remove from the game)
I told him that there are two
people i cant take persons from.
Theuri and Akuku.
I told him how Akuku was telling
me that she is measured. Before i
finished, he said “Thiku ici
tumathimaga kinya na sms.
Kalaini karia atoi ri, mundu a mu
smsaga muri o nake hau oo..
‘This is the lady from the VCT. I
hope you are still taking anti
retrovirals. Your viral load will
improve if you keep the
schedule”
He said that if she appears
shocked and starts to shake, she
has passed the test. If she calls
the number, she is does not
know herself but if makobosto
burst, run to the tap and wash
tree thoroughly with soap. If she
sms Ok. , buy her many beers and
leave her as soon as she starts
refusing to know herself.
Monday, July 18, 2011
In 1976,it happened that athletics were being held in Nairobi. A Kikuyu man happened to be one of the spectators but when he was asked to pay entrance fee of sh 10,he went away complaining he cant just lose his money only to see people running. After a short while he had people shouting "Keino"Keino""Keino"he turned back threw his 10 bob to the gate man went to the spectators and started asking in a high voice "Kîha"Kîha"
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